Balancing Parenthood and Work
The average working parent spends 35 hours a week working, and only about 38 minutes a day—or 4 hours a week—with their children.
Balancing responsibilities at home and at work is a constant challenge for every parent. Work can leave parents with too little time and too little energy to be the parent they really WANT to be, so we often end up feeling discouraged, disappointed and sometimes even guilty.
But there are ways you can better manage the demands of working and parenting. Please join us today as we discuss the delicate balancing act so many parents are trying to achieve.
Your #1 job: Being a parent
Parenting is the most important and likely most difficult job anyone will ever hold. But in today's economic reality, it very often has to be juggled with jobs that maintain the livelihood of the family.
It's common for parents to feel pulled in 2 directions: they need to support their family, but they also feel an instinctive need to care for their family. When these two ideas are causing conflict, it's time to reevaluate—because there are things you can do to better juggle all of your responsibilities.
Your children—and YOU as a parent—are too valuable for you to be running around feeling as though you have no time for them. When you are stressed out and can only see your family in 15 minute spurts as you dash from one responsibility to another, you're cheating yourself and your children.
The most important thing to keep in mind as you work on your own balancing act should be that your children come first. This doesn't mean you have to be a martyr or Superwoman or Superman. Just commit to the idea of making appropriate choices when it comes to work and children. Once you take this first step, it may be easier to make decisions and plans that better accommodate your time and responsibilities to your family.
So is it really possible to balance parenting and work?
Good news: you can be a good parent and a good worker. The goal is to achieve balance by prioritizing your family's needs and schedule along with your own.
Get organized. Plan ahead when it comes to hard-and-fast meetings at work, your child's game schedule and anything else filling up this month's calendar. You can also use your calendar to "schedule" specific time with your children.
Being organized is good, but be open to change. You never know what is going to come up, and flexibility on your part can make you less stressed and help your kids react the same way.
Spend evenings at home with your children. When you get home from work, leave work behind. This is your family time and deserves your complete attention. You also deserve time away from work. Give yourself and your children time to relax together. Make kid-friendly meals in advance, when possible, and have dinner together. Turn off the television and discuss your days. Stick to this routine so your kids know what to expect. Try to make it fun!
Strengthen bonds with your child through rituals. You may have dinner together every night, but try something special as well like breakfast together every morning, or a snack together before bedtime, especially if you cannot do dinner together. This is also a good time for reading together. Routines and patterns do provide security for children.
Once in a while, do something special for you and your child, such as taking a day off and spending valuable time with your child.
Make yourself accessible by phone when you are at work. Talk briefly at least once a day with your child. Use notes and letters to show your interest and affection when you can't be there in person. You want your child to know that even when you are at work you are thinking of them.
Include yourself in your child's school life. Help out on school field trips and volunteer in their classroom whenever possible. Stay in touch with your child's teacher — in person, by phone or by email — as much as you can. Take an interest in how your child is doing in school.
Include your child in your work life. Show them pictures of where you work or take them on a field trip there. Hang their artwork in your office and tell them about it. Talk to them about your day. This is a great opportunity to teach children about good and bad days, how to deal with them, and that talking about them can help.
Ask for help. Cultivate meaningful relationships with other loving adults — such as relatives or trusted role models. Then, whenever possible, play tag team so that when a parent isn't available to the child, another adult can be there for them.
There is a difference between "urgent" and "important."
Learn to distinguish the important things — like spending time with your kids — from the urgent things — like project deadlines and household chores. As a parent, you have to continually "re-rank" your priorities.
Keep your "important things" at the top of your mind. Washing the dishes or mowing the lawn can wait if it means you get an extra half hour with your kids before they go to bed. If you're at work late just to send a few more emails, consider holding off until the next morning when you'll probably be less tired and more efficient anyway.
You probably have a list of "urgent" work items somewhere. Consider making a list for your "important" items as well. Plan family time and vacations together, just as you plan for meetings and conference calls at work.
Moms and Dads
The tensions experienced within households around balancing the family workload are often greater for women, who still tend to undertake the greater share of family related responsibilities. However, there are indications that men are also experiencing important compromises and tensions in balancing work and family responsibilities.
It's important that parents work together when one—or both—of them are feeling pulled in two directions. The steps we mentioned earlier are often easier to do when you have a partner to work through them with you.
Playing the balancing game
There are all sorts of ways to express to your children that you love them and that they are special to you. What parents who work outside of the home may lack in time, they can make up for in imagination and love!
As daunting as this balancing act may seem, it is certainly possible for you to be a good parent and still have a successful career.
There is a great quote by Jill Churchill that says, "There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one."
Working parents often feel that they're not doing everything they can for their children. But the fact is, with some reevaluation and new ideas, every parent can successfully balance parenting and work by doing the little things that make a huge difference in the lives of their children.