Discipline
Are your children misbehaving at the worst moments? Are you yelling or perhaps spanking your child on a regular basis? Knowing more about discipline can help you and your children.
Disciplining your child is one of the most important jobs you have as a parent; it goes hand in hand with nurturing, teaching and supporting them at every stage of their development. Appropriate and consistent discipline can make life smoother for you and your child.
What is discipline?
Discipline is NOT just punishment. In fact, disciplining can be a valuable tool as you teach your
child to love, learn and respect themselves and those around them. Discipline is more about teaching
your children how to behave, not just reprimanding them when they do something wrong.
Why do children misbehave?
It's important to understand the different reasons children might misbehave:
- Physical discomfort. A child may be sick, have hurt themselves or be tired.
- Curiosity. A child may be captivated by something around them, and so distracted that they forget rules.
- Testing. A child is constantly pushing limits to learn what is appropriate and what is not.
- Frustration. At many stages of life, a child can be frustrated as they work on mastering new skills. This can cause anger, sadness or frustration, and ultimately lead to poor behavior.
- Desire for attention. If a child knows bad behavior will get them attention-even negative attention-they will often resort to it when they want interest from a parent.
What does discipline do for children?
Discpline has a positive effect on children. It helps them:
- Build self-esteem
- Develop self-control
- Respect themselves and others
- Express emotions appropriately
- Become self-reliant
- Develop orderliness
Basics of discipline
More and more parents have less and less time with their children today, many times because children
and parents have such busy schedules, both parents work, a single parent is raising children alone,
or a divorced couple is sharing child-rearing responsibilities. Parents should keep the following tips in mind:
- Set limits and guidelines. Children are looking for their parents to provide a set of boundaries, including physical boundaries (like not crossing a street) as well as rules that respect others' rights.
- Discipline consistently. Children need consistent rules to help them learn what their boundaries are. You will have to discipline repeatedly as you raise a child-be sure to send your children the same message so you don't confuse them.
- Begin discipline early. Even a young child needs some sort of discipline to help them make decisions. And the longer you send a consistent message, the easier it is for a child to understand.
- Serve as a role model. The BEST way for you to teach your children how to behave is by showing them through your own behavior.
- Spend time with your children. The best way for you to model appropriate behavior is by spending quality time with them.
Negotiating with your children
Negotiation can be interwoven with discipline, but there are limits to keep in mind:
- Pick your battles. It is not necessary to win-or negotiate-every disagreement. Your child has to wear her shoes in the snow, but is it really a problem if she wants to wear the same shirt two days in a row?
- Explain your reasoning. Take the time to explain to your child why you are taking certain actions (such as reprimanding them).
- Be fair. Treat your children with respect-and teach them respect-by taking their rights into consideration.
- Don't ask questions if something is not up for debate. Don't say "Don't you want dinner?" if you really mean "It's dinnertime."
What are a parent's options when it comes to discipline and punishment?
When you are dealing with the discipline of your children, there are a number of tools you can use to enforce certain rules.
- Loss of privileges
- Being grounded
- Parentel disappointment
- Restitution
- Time out
Remember a time out is just a cooling off period, not the punishment. It should not last too long-one minute for each year of a child's age. Take them away from the center of activity immediately after they've done something wrong.
Logical consequences
Logical consequences can be a very effective way to teach children discipline.
The more you can regulate a child's behavior in a positive way, the more they will imitate you.
- Offer an alternative to a bad behavior-show children they can't always get what they want, but they can always have a relationship with you.
- Consequences remind a child that actions determine the outcome; reinforce this idea by giving a child options whenever possible.
- Don't just give warnings that you can't or won't carry through with.
Spanking
The issue of spanking continues to be an important debate. Several years ago, the American Academy of Pediatrics issued policy statement against the practice of spanking.
With spanking, you run the risk of a parent striking a child and losing control. Some parents can remain calm, but a parent who is stressed or does not have support at home may not be able to do that.
- Spanking is a confusing way to teach a child a lesson about aggressive behavior.
- Spanking can teach children that when people are angry they hit. This can lead to children hitting others when they are upset.
- It is okay to show anger, but a parent needs to stay in control when disciplining their child.
- You can show disapproval on your face.
- If you begin to yell or lose your temper, tell your child you are mad and walk away. Come back later to discipline when you are in control.
Reward good behavior
Because discipline is about teaching children how to behave, it is just as important to reward good behavior
as it is to reprimand when a child misbehaves. Reinforce good actions by praising your child, spending time
with them or planning a special treat.