Helping Children Handle Trauma
In recent years, families across the country have had some tough issues to tackle—from terrorism to wars to natural disasters; traumatic events have certainly made an impact on all of us. For adults, these can be incredibly difficult issues to face…can you imagine trying to process such trauma as a child?
What is trauma?
Turn on the nightly news any day of the week and you’re sure to hear some sort of traumatic story. From coverage of a war to a local crime, these stories can be scary and stressful for anyone watching. For children, hearing these stories can invoke real fear and anxiety, especially if they don’t understand the issues well. In fact, extensive news coverage can add to their heightened fear.
Trauma can also directly impact a child. When a child loses a family member or is displaced by a natural disaster, they are forced to deal directly with a traumatic event. Direct trauma can also occur on a very personal level when a child experiences abuse or violence of any kind.
For different children, different things can be traumatic. Being involved in a car accident or fighting with another child at school can also be considered traumatic. But whatever the cause, a child’s view of the world as a safe and predictable place is temporarily lost.
How can traumatic events impact children?
Children’s responses to trauma and disaster—like adults’—can be incredibly different. They range from “normal” stress reactions to diagnosed mental disorders. Children's fear and anxiety are very real, even though to adults they may seem exaggerated. This is all affected by their individual personalities and their exposure or connection to the event, as well as the reaction of significant others, the support available to them and their own understanding of what happened. These last 3 points are important (and positive!) because parents can play such a large role in these influences. But we’ll get to that later. For now, let’s focus on some of the most common reactions children may have to trauma:
- Variations in mood, which will depend on age and development. Children often revert to younger stages of separation anxiety, bedwetting or dependence on a security object (such as a blanket or stuffed animal).
- Changes in behavior, such as conflicts with other children, or tantrums in preschoolers.
- Physical reactions to anxiety, sadness and/or fear, such as insomnia or other physical ailments such as stomachaches or headaches. Younger children are especially vulnerable to changes in sleeping and eating habits.
- Thoughts. Preteens and teenagers are especially prone to new thoughts of guilt, resentment, embarrassment, depression or the opposite—complete shutting down of feelings.
How can parents help their children deal with trauma?
The ways that a child can react to trauma are endless—the important thing is to be aware of YOUR child’s reactions and actions following a traumatic event, whether it’s a death in your own family or simply something you saw on TV.
- First and foremost, provide comfort and assurance. Discuss the traumatic event in an open, honest way, in an appropriate manner for your child’s age and individual concerns. Discuss basic facts such as safety precautions taken by the authorities, and encourage your child to talk and ask questions. Maintaining your normal routine whenever possible can also go a long way in helping your child feel safe and in control. Try to keep everyday eating and sleeping habits consistent. The goal is reinforce your child’s sense of security and normalcy.
- Accept your child’s special needs. Each child may need something different from a parent when they are dealing with trauma. Yours may need to be more dependent on you for a period of time, needing more hugs, more discussion or extra sources of comfort. Be generous with hugs, let them use a nightlight or not sleep alone, or pull out their favorite teddy bear or blanket. Don't mind their clinging behavior, as hard as it can be. They are telling you through their actions that they are scared and need you for support.
- Continue the conversation. A child should never feel embarrassed by their fear, concerns or questions. Be clear that you are always willing to listen to them, and when you give answers, make them honest, simple and brief. Even if you don’t know what to say, you can assure them with something as simple as, “The [event] is over. Now we'll do everything possible to stay safe, and together we can help get things back to normal." Sometimes a child will ask the same question over and over, which requires extra patience from parents. They are simply trying to understand what’s going on around them. Appreciate the fact that your child IS willing to continue the conversation with you. That’s a great sign that your child is comfortable talking with you and feels safe in doing so!
- Monitor and model your own reactions. The very nature of trauma causes it to touch all of us when it happens, whether it’s in our own community or half-way around the world. And this includes parents, too, of course. You are concerned for your children, but keep in mind that YOUR health and wellbeing is just as important. In fact, one of the best ways to help a child deal with trauma is to model healthy, appropriate discussion, reaction and coping mechanisms. So take the time to understand your own feelings and fears, and reach out for support if you need it. Your strength in the face of trauma will lift up your child as well.
- Limit television, radio and Internet use. Traumatic events are often magnified in today’s world because of media. Simply put, media brings more bad news into our personal world than we would have ever had to deal with before. Repeated coverage of the same event can be confusing to young children, and even older children can be mislead or frustrated by coverage of an event. Many experts recommend that young children not watch any news coverage of a traumatic event. If your children are older, watch with them so that you can discuss their thoughts, questions and concerns.
- Teach your child how to cope. Even minor reactions to a traumatic event, such as “normal” stress, can benefit from strategies to cope with negative emotions. Help your child find music or an activity such as painting that takes their mind off of things. Playing board games, reading or talking to a friend can help distract them from the trauma, offering their minds and bodies a reprieve during the day. Take your child outdoors, keep them active and make sure their eating and sleeping habits remain consistent.
- Stay in touch with the other adults in your child’s life. Sometimes the traumatic event is linked to a child’s school, but even if it isn’t, stay in contact with their teachers, guidance counselors and coaches. Coordinate support and monitor any changes, using the many community and school resources available.
When can a professional help?
Because trauma can be so difficult to handle—for children and parents alike—a professional counselor can be an extremely valuable source of support and information. As a parent, it’s important to be aware of the signs that indicate outside help might be necessary. These include behavior or academic problems, emotional outbursts, withdrawal from other children, frequent nightmares or other sleep issues, physical ailments such as nausea, headaches, and weight gain or loss, intense anxiety, depression, and alcohol or drug use.
If you feel your child could benefit from a counselor, don’t be ashamed or feel like you’re not doing a good job as a parent. You are doing the right thing to help your child cope with trauma, and that’s the best thing you can do.
Conclusion
Like any other parenting challenge, helping your child deal with trauma can be stressful. In addition to your own emotions and reactions to the event, you’re responsible for helping your child get through it as well. Though every child reacts differently, every parent’s number one goal should be to provide comfort and reassurance. Trauma stirs up feelings of fear, instability and powerlessness for children and adults alike. Be there for your child to love them, listen to them and create consistency in their lives in whatever way you can. Get the support YOU need as well, whether it’s from other adults or professional counselors. As a family, you will be able to work your way through the trauma, no matter how impossible it may seem today.
And remember, all aspects of parenting can be tough, but asking for help doesn’t have to be. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! For more information about helping your child cope with trauma and other parenting challenges, visit the SCAN website at www.scanva.org