Parenting in Times of Economic Stress
Today’s economy has become a source of stress for just about all of us. But for parents it can be especially tough. Whether you’re dealing with unemployment, disappearing savings, the possibility of layoffs, threat of foreclosure or just general economic uncertainty, the added stress can make the responsibilities of parenting feel entirely overwhelming.
In today’s economy, every family is feeling the impact. Join us today as we consider the stress, fear, frustration, and even anger we feel when faced with these challenges.
Where can a parent even begin to address this issue? First and foremost, it’s important to remember that children feed on their parents’ stress and anxiety, even if they don’t totally understand its causes.
That means that your number one goal moving forward is to be a calm, reassuring, source of support for your child. A child wants to hear that you have a plan, have thought about the situation and are dealing with the issues at hand. They may be hearing about financial-related worries in your own home, but they’re probably also hearing about the economy through friends, at school or in the media. You should be a source of assurance and stability that makes them feel safe and protected.
Take time to talk about finances and the economy. The first step in being a source of support and information for your child is to simply talk to them. Too many parents avoid the subject of finances, in an attempt to protect their children from the stress. But this is the time to be honest with your child in an age-appropriate manner. Plan a time to sit down with your child and have an honest, open discussion where they feel they can ask questions. Try not to overload them with worries or details. Instead, explain if and why changes are necessary in your own home and budget.
Don’t get into specific details of your budget, and try to keep disagreements with your spouse or other adult out of earshot. These types of things are not helpful and often—because children aren’t able to fully understand the facts—are burdens that can cause more confusion or fear.
Children also need help understanding that a financial “crisis” is not a black-and-white issue. Be careful to not say things like, “We don’t have any money left,” or “We’re going to lose everything.”
Children often take things very literally, so just your words can have a huge impact.
As children approach middle school and high school they can gradually begin to handle more detail, including an understanding of how money and credit work, so now is the time to discuss that as well.
Implementing change in your own family. Many of us have to make lifestyle changes today to accommodate the effects of the new economy. As a parent, this can mean changing the way your family eats, clothes, vacations and entertains itself. And this can be a tough job, especially if you have older children.
The key is to adjust your family’s budget, thinking and activities all at once. Chalk it up as another daunting challenge of parenting., but there are steps to make it easier for you and your family:
1. Teach your child about saving and work ethic. Depending on age, there are simple ways to show children the importance of earning, saving and managing money. Develop a system for chores (rather than a giveaway allowance) where they complete jobs to receive payment. You can also work together to earn money: place a glass jar on the kitchen table and ask every family member to put loose change in every day. Specify a family purchase that you’re saving for, such as a night out at the movies. Your children will learn how long it can take to save, and also how to work to pay for something in cash (rather than credit).
2. Look for low-cost activities you can do together as a family. Kids and adults alike often fear that without a lot of cash to go shopping, see a movie or buy a new video game, they’ll be bored and not have anything to do. But that’s wrong! There are a lot of affordable ways (especially in our community!) to enjoy time together as a family or with friends without spending a lot of money. Some ideas include:
> Your local library – not just for checking out books but for videos and music, as well as activities like story hours, teen book clubs and more.
> Community centers are another great, low-cost way to find educational, art and sports activities for children and adults alike.
> Most museums (and the zoo!) in DC are free, and great sources of all-day entertainment for kids and parents alike.
> You can also do things on your own, like plan a picnic in the park, go for a walk on a local trail, have a family game or movie night, or find a new recipe and cook together. Interestingly enough, these low- and no-cost activities often seem to bring families closer together than what they used to be doing.
Remember that what your child needs most is your undivided attention. In the face of financial pressures, many parents forget that what their kids need most is actually FREE: their time. When you are stressed and worried about your financial situation, stop. Set aside 20-30 minutes every day when you agree not to think about or discuss finances. Instead, focus on your family. Get outside for a walk, talk about their day, play a game or read to your child. This stress-free quality time is crucial for your child’s well-being, but it can also help you de-stress and reprioritize at the end of your day.
Get the support you need, especially for the “cuts” you cannot afford to make: It is normal for you to feel overwhelmed by the financial pressures in your life. You are NOT alone. Many parents are having to face the fact that they need to drastically cut their budgets just to make ends meet. Some cuts are necessary—and okay—but others are not. If you need support for things like childcare and healthcare, ask for it:
> Be vigilant about childcare. Whether it’s all-day or just after school, it can be expensive. But leaving a young child unsupervised, or in a dangerous place, is never a good idea.
> Protect your family’s health. Skipping check-ups or vaccinations might be a way to cut costs, but keeping yourself and your family healthy is an important way to safeguard your ability to work and your child’s well-being. There are health clinics available where childhood immunizations and basic medical care is available for free or at very low cost.
> Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Every parent deserves support, especially in times of economic hardship. Raising a family can be a challenging, stressful—even frightening—job. There are places to find support, resources and information to help you and your family adjust and manage the issues we just dicussed, including:
Parent support groups, classes and workshops for support and education. Visit SCAN’s website at www.scanva.org
Non-profit credit counseling agencies can help with budget analysis, cutting expenses and housing support. Visit www.consolidatedcredit.org
If the stress is causing frustration, fear or even violence in your home, call the Virginia Child Abuse 24-Hour Helpline/Hotline for support: 800-552-7096 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE, www.ndvh.org
For more family resources, simply dial: 211
No matter how the economy is impacting your family, as a parent, you do have the power to help your family get through it. Be a source of reassurance and support for your children by talking to them, teaching them and simply spending time with them. Reach out for the support you need as a parent—if you missed one of the websites or phone numbers we mentioned, please visit www.scanva.org to learn more.